so i've come to one very important realization over the past year and so months (ever since i started at northwest)......i hate my job! tragic isnt it :-/

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have been pretty difficult. i really really hate not being able to eat normal. just about everything i want to eat i'm not allowed to. then when i do try to eat it takes me so long and so much effort i get tired of trying before i'm even full, so i never feel satisfied. my family isnt helping either. they keep forgetting and make me food i cant eat yet. and this is all so frustrating i'm getting upset over stupid things so easily. i've felt so useless and horrible with everything, like i cant do anything right. then i feel bad cuz me feeling bad just makes it hard on the people around me and taking care of me. they keep having to help me feel better again when i shouldnt be feeling bad in the first place. i cant wait till i start feeling better about myself again.

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so i got all 4 of my wisdom teeth yanked out this morning. to be honest, i was so scared going in there today but the operation wasnt as bad as i thought. it went faster than i thought too. they had originally told me it'd be like 2 hours but it was only an hour and a half. i woke up from the anesthesia crying though. i didnt see sank and i wanted him there, so i was crying and asking for him so they had to go into the lobby and get him. other than that things went smoothly. all the rules they have on what you cant do sure do suck though. hopefully they'll heal up quickly and things will be back to normal. it sure was nice today having sank with me, and i sure am glad i have him with me tomorrow too. i'm pretty out of it now, better start heading off to bed.

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i feel like shit. i hate getting worked up over stupid things. and i hate having to feel guilty about feeling bad about something. sometimes i just cant help it, and i thought i was doing better with talking things out but i guess i was wrong. its just not something that comes naturally to me and i try but i just cant sometimes. i dont know how to say what i want to. which upsets people but i dont know what else to do. i'm better than i use to be about it, just not good enough yet, i guess. i hope i wake up feeling better, or tomorrow isnt going to end any better than today did.

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my, oh, my. there's been a few things bothering me lately, like really bothering me. some more irritating than anything else, and i feel like a have a damn good reason to be upset by them. but others....i'm just being stupid (i hope). to make it worse i know its stupid to be bothered by them, but of course i cant help it. i'm not set up for a very good week either. got a doctor's visit tomorrow, followed by a dentist visit the next day. i hope things clear up, and these stupid appointments go well. i'm tired of being strung out over stuff.

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last weekend i took my only real vacation all year. me and sank went down to ocean city for a 3 day weekend. sadly none of our friends were able to take the time out to come down and stay with us. however, andrea and paul did make it down saturday to spend the day with us, but then went back to her apartment. we found an awesome priced hotel for the season that was right on the boardwalk. it was a small room but had everything we needed. it was sooooo nice to be away for a few days. it was kind of funny, we had made all these plans of what we were going to do, most of them we did, but we were going to stay out late each night and go to bars and such (especially since we had an irish pub in the hotel) but i dont think either night we even made it till midnight before we crashed. i was very happy about not getting sunburned bad though. i was a bit pink after the first day but was able to keep it from getting worse. i think this time down to the beach was one of if not the best time i've had down there. of course thats mainly because i was with sank the whole time. cant wait to take another vacation to the beach next year.
as for this weekend.....its not shaping up as well. had to work this morning and that always blows. even though i dont do alot there and its not hard i'd much rather not be there on my weekends. sank also decided to go down to the farm saturday to visit with his bro and has to stay tomorrow to help with the stand. it sucks not having him with me, even for one day. after work i saw sank for about an hour before he left and i had to go work on my moms car. we did the oil change fine and checked the front breaks which didnt need changing, the back breaks however gave us lots of trouble. we spent about 4 hours working on her car today. thats after i spent 8 hours working on my own car monday and still some more to do on it tomorrow. after this weekend i dont want to even have to raise the hood of any car for awhile. thankfully its a long weekend so it still has a chance of being saved. sank will be back monday and i'm working hard to get everything out of the way now so i can have all day to hang out and have fun. hopefully tomorrow doesnt wear me out so much that i'm completely dead monday. i still want to be able to enjoy myself some.

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