This snow has killed my back and arms. Saturday I shoveled for several hours only to go back out Sunday and shovel for several more hours. Monday morning i woke up and every bit of my upper body was sore. My arms, my back, even my abs, were all hurting! That's what about 30 inches of snow will do to you when you have to shovel a driveway and the entire street infront of your house (because no plow comes down to clear it for you). Now it's Tuesday morning and we're suppose to have atleast another foot of snow coming our way. It's quite possible my arms will detatch themselves from my body to save themselves from the agony of more shoveling.

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So I've been thinking a lot lately about my perfect guy, what he'd look like, the things he'd be into, his personality and so on. I can easily find someone to satisfy my perfect guy as far as looks go. However, I've come to the gloomy realization to find my perfect guy in other aspects I'm going to have to go back in time to the 1940's. I don't think guys exist now a days like what I'm looking for. *sigh* I know what I want and I'm just 70 years too late for it.

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The other night I dreamt about my garden. I know that probably sounds lame, but it made me happy. In my dream all my plants were sprouting back up. A couple of them even had blooms and veggies started. I was pretty disappointed when I woke up and realized the garden didn't actually have any plants in it right now. Instead it was just bare dirt covered with leaves. Just remembering how well it looked last summer though, filled with various veggies and flowers, bring a smile to my face. I love the beauty you find in nature. I will miss not being able to be the one to take care of the garden this year. But it does make me want to work hard to at least get it ready to be planted so my dad can enjoy it. With a little help from my sisters and mom he should still be able to grow everything we did last year. Knowing that he'll be able to enjoy will make me happy enough, even though I won't be here to enjoy it with him.

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... to stop letting people in my life be shitty towards me. If you don't want to use your brain and want to continue to make mistakes and blame me for all of our actions, fine. I know that it's not all my fault. I can't make anyone become anything they didn't already have the possibility of being, and I definitely can't make them make the choices they did to get them to that point. Until people are grown up enough to own up to their own choices and mistakes, I don't need to be around them. I will be much happier without them in my life, deliberately doing things to try and hurt me (I can only assume for some misplaced sense of vengeance).

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Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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